. Empty spaces, so many faces fill the gaps. Dark shadows, mistaken for love . [entries|friends|calendar] Jessica. [ website | summer breeze ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[22 Jul 2005|04:45pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | oasis - little by little ] So, we're getting a chinese and a dvd tonight. I love a good night in with a few beers and a movie. :x I just saw on sky news "Shot man not connected to bombings" but why the hell would he run? Either he was a fucking idiotic, innocent man... or he was supposed to set off another bomb? He must have had something to hide if he ran from the police. All they know at the moment is that he wasn't connected to the four that were planted. 4 comments|post comment

[22 Jul 2005|12:50pm] [ mood | confused ] Seriously, Vee. Where the FUCK are you? =/ I miss you like crazy, bizotch. 1 comment|post comment

I'm so kicking it old school. [19 Jul 2005|04:07pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | green day - wake me up when september ends ] Listening to Blur - Parklife, dancing around on my knees & pretending to hold a guitar. I'm so gay. So anyway, I'm so fucking excited about going home to see my parents & friends in 3 weeks. Bring on 1st August. I seriously love going home and being able to sleep for as long as I want. And I LOVE having my PC all to myself. Endless hours of making graphics, chatting on yahoo and posting on ://thedilly. And I'm excited about seeing my best mate, Gem. Although, I'll be saving all of my money, so I won't be able to go out for a while. Going to see Varinia August 16th-21st so I have to save some money for then. I also have to start saving for a deposit on a flatshare AND I need to buy a new phone. Oh, and I want to save for a laptop. I think the laptop will have to wait for a while. Anyways, August 1st, I'm going home for 4 whole nights. YES! 4 NIGHTS. So I just paused my journal entry right for about an hour as I was dancing away to the music channels downstairs. My sister took the 3 kids out so I have the house to myself for a while. I just cranked up that Missy Elliot ft. Ciara song, fo' shizzle. I so rock the carpet. That's all folks. 4 comments|post comment

[16 Jul 2005|01:00am] [ mood | curious ] Holy shit. I really need to be contained. Lord, forgive me, for I have sinned. 4 comments|post comment

i want some pancakes [15 Jul 2005|02:03pm] [ mood | cheerful ] I've decided that I shall spend less time on the internet and do something constructive with my time. Yeah, that's blatently a lie. So, I went to go see Madagascar with my nephew this evening, pretty awesome movie. We're having a barbecue this weekend so it will be nice to just chill and drink, for a change. My parents will be here so they can watch the twins. There's not much really going on in my life, at the moment. OH, I HAVE DR. PEPPER. That's about my excitement for the night. Someone feed me. post comment

jammy dodgers [14 Jul 2005|03:49pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | tony yayo - so seductive ] I so can't be fucked to goto work. I have to set off in 10 minutes. =/ SOMEONE GOTO WORK FOR ME. I'm knackered and I won't be home until 11. post comment

save me from this nightmare [14 Jul 2005|11:07am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | my chemical romance - helena ] There are babies screaming everywhere. I'd just like to thank my sister for giving birth to twin girls, had she not, I would actually get a sufficient amount of sleep and I may even have a social life. Rofl. Well, I'm really enjoying my work. I'm a Support Worker for people with all sorts of learning disabilities. It's challenging in a lot of ways and it's very rewarding. It just feels great to be helping somebody other than myself and I would never go back to a dead end job after experiencing this. I'm only actually supposed to be doing 20 hours a week at the moment, so then I have chance to help my sister aswell. This week I've done 16 hours overtime. The pay is good and it's an excellent job, so all in all, that area of my life is amazing. I'm just waiting for the other parts of my life to pick up. I'm going to be getting a flat share once my sister goes back to work in October/November time. I'm looking forward to finally having to cater for myself, I need my sister to just throw me in the deep end, then I may actually start to understand the value of money. But anyway, I'll be looking forward to being an independant woman, just aslong as I find a flatmate that doesn't mind loud music and people round at the place, all should be fine. Well I'm doing some overtime tonight 5-10, but I'm fucking knackered. I didn't get to sleep until around 5am and then woke up at 8am. 3 hours sleep seems to be sufficient for my sister, maybe I could give it a shot? Either that or go get a few hours shut eye before I have my lunch and suddenly have to get ready for work. I'm getting really fat lately, aswell, so I've been walking the 45 minutes to and from work, rather than getting the bus. I've been doing this for around 2 months and so far, I've lost like 3-4lb's. I don't know, maybe my calfs are just toning up and I will eventually start to shed the pounds. But I'll carry on, because it's obviously doing more for me than sitting at my pc 24/7 ever did. I'd just like to say... GOD BLESS AMERICA... For having someone so beautiful in their residence. This is officially THE greatest guy I have ever spoken to, amazing in every way. He's beautiful, witty, intelligent and knows just how to make a girl smile. He has a great heart and any woman would be lucky to have him. Peace out. 7 comments|post comment

this world [12 Jul 2005|05:04pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Coldplay - Beautiful World. ] I just wanted to dedicate an entry to all the innocent people that have been killed recently with the bombings. It's shaken me up, and I live nowhere near London. Just imagine what it was like for all of those regular people living their everyday lives?! Just the people that had to watch others being blown to pieces. I will never understand the evil in this world, or understand why a person would even want to hurt another person. I can't stand when people are hurting, physically or emotionally, it literally cuts me up that people would intentionally murder other human beings, knowing that they have a whole life ahead of them, and their wives and children will be waiting for them to return from work that same day. Imagine all the pain these people have gone through, it doesn't bare thinking about. Anyway, I was watching 'The Wright Stuff' the other day and they had a lot of muslims calling in. One of the girls that called in was saying she can't even leave the house anymore, the people are that nasty to her. Spitting in her face and calling her trash, saying that she should die. She said these two girls were driving along in their car and wound the window down, spat in her face, and said she didn't deserve to live. I'm sorry but do people have any idea about anything? People should open their eyes and look the hell around. Like we need anymore pain and suffering in this world, like this whole experience hasn't caused enough? Some people are so thick. When I heard her say that, I was fucking shocked. Apparently these girls were in their mid 20's, they should fucking know better than to blame an innocent woman for all of these attacks. She daren't even take her children out to the park, she's that scared. LOL @ these lyrics. 'We live in a beautiful world, yeah we do, yeah we do' Oh, the irony. Maybe this world is beautiful, maybe all of these things that are happening are supposed to show us that we're fucking lucky to still be here and that we need to get the hell out there and live our lives before it's too late. I do sometimes think of just how beautiful this world really is. Walking along the street at night, staring at the sky, wind blowing through my hair. It makes me think about American Beauty, the wind is just amazing. It's awesome that something so powerful, cannot be seen, other than the aftermath. (the paper bag) On another note: Chris, I'm so glad you're okay, it would tear me up inside having to experience all of that. You're A fucking awesome guy and we need to meet soon. Life's too short to waste time. Anyway, I've sure rambled enough, now. 6 comments|post comment

This may just be why I'm so fucked up. [16 Jun 2005|09:02pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Coldplay - Speed of Sound ] So I've had this on My Space a while, but it's a really big part of who I am so I want you all to read it. I've never really shared this with any of my friends, infact I don't think anyone on My Space has even read it. The only person I've told is Varinia. It's about how I was bullied at school. so this is probably the most personal thing i will ever write about myself anywhere. i would like to think you know who your friends are, that they really care about you and that your friendship is real. you're about to experience a night from my past that still tears me up so much to even think about. i'm going to write this as if it is you that is going through these long moments of realisation. so it all starts with school. you are so popular and have so many fantastic friends that you could rely on. you think they are there for you when you need them and that they care so much about you. it seems all they do is steal your cigarettes, pick on your flaws, call you names and torture you daily. you still consider them as your real friends, though. yeah, they totally have your back. either that or you're stuck in this delusional state of mind where you think that you need them, no matter how they treat you. one night you're out drinking with three of your friends named vicky, denise and christina. now, vicky, she's your best friend, the other two you are pretty close with aswell. so you've all probably drunk 6 cans of lager each aswell as 5 litres of wine between you, now that doesn't go down well when you're just 14 years old. you've all been fucking around in the street for a while when they all tell you to go away for a few moments because they have something private to discuss. you know it's about you and that they're completely full of immaturity and can't tell you to your face what is on their mind. so you've been sat down the lane for around 20 minutes and you decide you're going to go home. vicky walks towards you and says she has something to tell you. so you go upto her and she punches you in the face, totally out of the blue. so, you're wondering what the hell is going on... she punches you again, she's repeatedly punching you in the face, whilst reciting the words "come on... HIT ME BACK!" she says she's doing it for your own good and that you need to learn how to fight back and defend yourself. you can't believe she is twisting this around and trying to make out like it's your fault. she's still constantly punching you in your face and you're trying to understand why christina and denise are just stood there watching it and egging her on. your face feels completely numb and you have to do something to get away. so you take one swift punch and SMACK, she goes flying backwards. after this denise and christina run up and decide they need to finish the job vicky did on you. this has gone on for hours and you end up laying in tesco car park with 3 girls booting you in the head and stomach. you feel like you're going to pass out from the pain and your face is bleeding like hell. until one of them says "that's enough, i think we've gone a little too far" at this point it's hard to make out what the hell they are saying and you're kind of blacking out. you wake up and make your way home. you head straight past your parents and straight to your room. you just make it to your bed and you collapse and lay there while your face is dripping with blood. you're crying so much that you could make a fountain with your tears. all of this is enough that it makes you want to put glass to your throat, yet you still wake up on monday morning and head to school. you're terrified of being around all of these people and you're walking down the hall to class while everyone is staring at you and laughing. vicky has a nice big purple shiner under her eye from that one punch you threw... so all of her friends are now your enemies. this is all because you don't like hitting people, even if they started the fight. they did this so you would learn how to 'defend yourself' PLEASE, they are not your friends, they never have been and never will be. they used you for 5 years to make them feel better about themselves. you've wasted so many years letting them try to control you and put you down. sometimes there are moments in life that are needed to make you realise that your friends aren't your friends and they don't give a shit about you. these moments make you stronger so even though they did this to you, you realise that you needed them in your life to learn a valuable lesson. 5 comments|post comment

I'm so fucking emo. [16 Jun 2005|08:57pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay ] So I moved with my sister exactly a month ago today. I don't really get online much to chat with my e-pals, all of which that have become very special to me. My friends are all in Goole, I am in Harrogate. I do visit home a bit, but when i'm going there, I just want to relax. I'll stay there for like 2 nights and see my best friend gem all the time and then not get chance to talk to anyone online, or it's the other way around. So the reason I moved in with my sister in Harrogate, was so that I could help her out with my twin nieces and get a job here. I have a job which I love and I love my sister, nieces and nephew so damn much. The thing is, there are 6 people living in this house right now, and i've never felt so alone in my life. I feel like I have nobody, I feel empty. I felt happier when I was living with just my parents, whom I argued with constantly. What the hell is that about? I don't really have any friends over here, unless you count the people at work. I don't get any time for a social life anyway 'cause i'm either working or helping my sister. On top of it all it just feels like all that I do is never enough for her. I just feel like she doesn't appreciate me, that nobody appreciates me. I think this all really boils down to the fact that I want a fucking boyfriend. I want someone to hold, someone to play video games with, someone to tickle me, someone to watch cheesy movies with, someone to look at me and really see me for who I am. I doubt that will ever happen. People judge solely on appearance, which means I'll be stuck in this pit for eternity. I'm almost 20 years old, I've never even been in a serious relationship. It just makes me wonder, what the hell is wrong with me? I can't be that vile. What the hell am I doing wrong? It would be nice to just have someone for a while, just to experience it. I guess I should just keep wishing. I'm not normally emo like this, I don't really know what's come over me lately. But at least I've stopped crying, I guess that's one good thing. 1 comment|post comment

[11 Mar 2005|12:50am] 2 comments|post comment

|College| [27 Apr 2004|02:00pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | N*E*R*D - Lapdance ] Well i'm at college... and i'm just updating for the sake of it :) College sucks ass. /love Laura and Jane <3 1 comment|post comment

.WEW Angel Movie. :D [24 Apr 2004|02:01pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Chemical Brothers - Out of Control ] YAY :D First ANGEL TV Movie May Hit in September From Mediasharx.com - By Marcus Ferrell - 2004-04-23rd Scooper ’Daybill’ returned with some news from the ANGEL front: The WB is working on a new stand-alone telemovie, ANGEL, to air tentatively in September. The first two-hour pic is going to essentially launch the series as a sequence of films - different villain, different storyline, each one. The first is going to tie-in with the events of the series final episode. The season ender is going to go out with a huge cliffhanger, and we’ll have to wait till September to find out how it all ends. Eliza Dushku is in talks to appear in the telemovies, as Faith, the vampire slayer. Her series TRU CALLING isn’t going to be picked up for a second season, so I assume she jumped at it. There’s no titles for these Angel films yet, but all six - bi-monthly over a period of a year - will be something like ANGEL: OUTLAWED, or ANGEL: DOMINION. You get the pic. What’s interesting is, Joss Whedon’s not going to have much to do with the first couple. He’s apparently doing a movie for Universal. Wonder how that’s going to go down with fans? I guess that big truck - which i again saw last week driving around - did something to save this show. How valid is this report? Well, Daybill hasn’t failed us before, but September seems like too quick a turnaround for a tv movie, although not altogether impossible. It’s possible that the first could be filmed after a short break, but I would think that the principal cast would want to get away from these characters for a while. The finale Daybill speaks of also lines up with an April 17 report from our friends over at Spoiler Slayer, where they said that the series will likely end on a cliffhanger. Joss Whedon’s lack of involvement - I wouldn’t be surprised. The movie Daybill speaks of is, of course, the film version of FIREFLY, which is being fasttracked at Universal. However, if these movies go forward, I have no doubt that some of the ANGEL/Mutant Enemy regulars will return. Updated: The boys and girls over at Whedonesque had a good point that contradicts the report (that I, I’m ashamed to say, didn’t think of) - some places have already reported that TRU CALLING will be picked up for another season, even though networks seem to like to mess with executive producers’ minds and tell them they’re being renewed when they haven’t been. Regardless, remember that this report is a rumor. Take nothing as absolute fact until you hear it from the Frog. post comment

.Petition. [22 Apr 2004|02:29pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | 112 Feat. Beanie Sigel - Dance With Me (Remix) ] Sign this Petition for me, thanks all :) PFFT I HATE JORDAN LEVIN, THE WB CAN KISS MY ASS! post comment

.OMGOSH! Thought you all might be interested. [22 Apr 2004|12:33pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Trina feat. Missy & Tweet - No Panties ] LONDON - 'Dirrty' singer Christina Aguilera is to front Virgin Mobile's 'sexiest ever advert', in a multimillion-pound deal that will continue the mobile brand's music star-led advertising strategy and will include a post-watershed commercial. Richard Branson has been personally courting the star, known for her raunchy pop videos, and according to reports invited her to Necker, his private island, in an attempt to seal the deal. The 23-year-old pop star has agreed to follow rap star Busta Rhymes and former Fugee Wyclef Jean on the continuing "The Devil makes work for idle thumbs" series of ads. In her raunchiest video, 'Dirrty', the singer caused controversy by dancing provocatively, wearing only a pair of leather chaps, a g-string and a bikini top. The ad, created by Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Y&R, is being shot in Los Angeles and is being directed by the award-winning Bryan Buckley, the former agency creative who co-founded Hungryman in 1997 and directed the Orange cinema commercials starring Carrie Fisher and Spike Lee. He will direct the shoot and produce two versions of the ad, with one destined for post-watershed broadcast. Media buying is through Manning Gottlieb OMD. Details of the ad are being kept secret by the Virgin Mobile team but a source said: "This red-hot advert will blast off the sex-o-meter scale. We're expecting something very raunchy. She doesn't do choirgirl so the anticipation is sky-high." Aguilera will film the commercial before her US tour kicks off at the beginning of May and the ad campaign will be on air by the middle of the month. The singer, who first shot to stardom with her single 'Genie in a Bottle', also has an 18-month agreement with Sketchers footwear, which runs out in December. The Scottish Executive has also drafted in the star to support its domestic abuse campaign in June. Aguilera, whose song 'OK' draws on her own experience of living with a violent father, has pledged a signed copy of the lyrics to the regional government in Edinburgh. Virgin Mobile has a long-running strategy of associating itself with music. Branson's phone venture has just confirmed that it is to sponsor the V music festival for the ninth year running. Previous Virgin Mobile advertising drives have also starred R&B singer Kelis and former All Saint Melanie Blatt. post comment

.Damn | illness. [22 Apr 2004|09:13am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Mark Ronson | ooh wee ] This darn ilness is keeping me up all the time, I woke up at 7:30am again this morning, after 3 hours sleep! Argh. Well morning troopers :) My ear feels no better so it looks like i'm not going back to college until next week. I get so bored being around the house like all the time. Like for real I just wanna get better, go out and have some fun. Is that so much to ask? Okay some images, all of them are old :) I'm just browsing through my shitty picture gallery, aha. And older ones, I was blonde :O *gasp*   Argh. Scary picshures. haha. Love you all xx post comment

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